Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): If you were asked to rename the human resources department, what would you name it? We asked HR professionals at the Weon HR conference. Hear what they had to say, and what they thought of our cheesy bad jokes.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Hey there, I’m Crista Vance, entrepreneur and operations leader. And I’m Matt Vance, award-winning author and social innovation researcher. We’re your hosts of the Culture Profit podcast, your place for purposeful company culture strategy. Learn from HR pros, executives, and thought leaders how to prioritize profits by prioritizing people. This episode is sponsored by Mobrium, the best friend of forward-thinking HR leaders, helping you strengthen your employer reputation as a reflection of your real culture. Learn more at mobrium.com.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): All right, Candy, thanks for joining us here on the Culture Profit podcast. I’ve got one question for you. You’ve just been tasked with renaming the HR department. What do you name it?

 

 

Guest: The Magicians.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): The Magicians. Why?

 

 

Guest: They have to do so much. HR is so vital to the health of an entire company, and sometimes it takes a little magic to make everything right.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

 

 

Guest: The dots and dashes… an SOS?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Remorse code.

 

 

Guest: Adult Babysitters Department.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Okay. Why?

 

 

Guest: You know, isn’t that kind of what HR is? You kind of got to babysit people a little bit.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Yeah.

 

 

Guest: Baby— oh, the Babysitters Club. That’s better.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

 

 

Guest: A, B… You’re going to give me the options, right?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Nope.

 

 

Guest: I don’t know.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): The best of thymes and the worst of thymes.

 

 

Guest: Company Success Department.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Company Success Department. That’s good. Okay, so why would you choose that?

 

 

Guest: Because I want people to think that it’s not really HR, and we’re cool people, and we’re aiming for their success. I’m a little nervous.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): What do you call a bear with no teeth?

 

 

Guest: Oh my gosh, is this one of your dad jokes?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): It is. Yeah, I actually forgot my cards. I came up with that one in my head.

 

 

Guest: Oh, shoot. A bear with no teeth… I’ve got this one for my kids. Bear tooth? Tooth bear?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Close. Gummy bear.

 

 

Guest: Oh, and I ate those earlier.

 

 

Guest: Okay, I’d just say the… The Human Experience Department. I don’t know.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Human Experience. Okay. Why would you say—

 

 

Guest: I’d probably name it the Recruiting Department, since I’m a recruiter.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): The Recruiting Department.

 

 

Guest: I just think everybody needs an ex— like, everyone’s at work, and they’re having, I don’t know, an experience with their co-workers.

 

 

Guest: Relationships. I’d probably say that — I’m big on relationships. I’d probably just say the Relationship or People Department. People, whatever.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Okay.

 

 

Guest: Yeah, because I think it’s all about people. It’s all about how people interact with each other. It’s all about you.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): It’s all about you. Okay. So what led you to that name?

 

 

Guest: Because in HR you’re supposed to be — I feel — for the employees and the people. That’s who you help. That’s who you’re there for, right? Whether they have complaints or whatever the situation may be, it’s all about them.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Why did the man stop working in the shoe recycling store?

 

 

Guest: I don’t know. Why?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): It was sole-destroying.

 

 

Guest: Oh my goodness. I have one for you.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Okay, let’s hear it.

 

 

Guest: Why was the chicken scared to cross the road?

 

 

Guest: I should have a good answer for this, because… Heroes.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Heroes. Okay. Why?

 

 

Guest: Because we’re in the background making everything run, making miracles happen, and people may not even know, but we’re saving them here and there. And we’re happy to do it. We love it. We’re glad to do that.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

 

 

Guest: A mess?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Big hands.

 

 

Guest: Okay, true. That’s excellent.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Do you have a joke?

 

 

Guest: I do, I do. I’ve got a joke for you. Ready? This is my favorite all-time joke. This is the greatest joke of all time. What is green, red, and sticks to the wall?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Green, red, and sticks to the wall?

 

 

Guest: Right. Green, red, and sticks to the wall. I got him stumped.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): You did get me stumped. I’m going to go with an Apples to Apples card with double-sided tape.

 

 

Guest: No, no. A frog, if you throw it hard enough.

 

 

Guest: Can I tell you what I’d not rename it?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Yeah, let’s hear it.

 

 

Guest: I know that so many companies are doing, like, People Department and People Whatever, but I just don’t love it. So I don’t know what I’d name it, but I know what I would not name it.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Why is turning 32 the fastest birthday?

 

 

Guest: Why?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): It’s the thirty-second birthday.

 

 

Guest: That’s awesome.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): You’ve just been tasked with renaming the HR department. What do you rename it?

 

 

Guest: We’re Not So Scary.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): We’re Not So Scary. Okay, I like it. Why would you give it that name?

 

 

Guest: You know, we just heard a presentation earlier where they talked about the reputation that HR has. And there is a lot of reputation around things like discipline, or things along those lines. But they’re also the keepers of the culture. And so many times, as I’ve worked with people in HR, and as I work with executives and senior leaders, they really do have a desire to support and really protect a good culture. So if there are any recommendations, I would say build a good relationship with the people who are in HR at your company. Whether you’re a leader or an employee, it can be really good, because they can be great friends and advocates for you — whether you want to get promoted, or whether you need to learn how to navigate something with a team. We’re not so scary.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): There you go. What do you call a wolf that notices everything?

 

 

Guest: A wolf that notices everything? I don’t know.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): An aware-wolf.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Why was the burglar feeling sensitive?

 

 

Guest: The burglar feeling sensitive? I don’t know. You’re going to have to tell me.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): He takes things personally.

 

 

Guest: Oh my God.

 

 

Guest: I would call it Culture Builders.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Culture Builders. Okay. Why?

 

 

Guest: Because I think a lot of it starts with HR, and they have to start connecting and building a strong relationship with the executive team in order to then trickle down what the culture should be for the rest of the company. Because I’m also a strong believer that if the executive team and HR are not working together and don’t have a good partnership, and they’re not on the same page, then the rest of the company is going to feel that. So I do believe that a lot of it starts with the efforts from HR, because they will also help educate executives on why it’s important to have a strong culture.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Why didn’t the sun go to college?

 

 

Guest: I don’t know.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Because it already has a million degrees.

 

 

Guest: That’s good.

 

 

Guest: The Awesome Department.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): The Awesome Department. Why the Awesome Department?

 

 

Guest: Because I feel like HR gets to do the awesome things. We care about the people, and we get to create the culture, and culture should always be awesome.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): What did the cheddar say to the blue cheese?

 

 

Guest: This is a cheesy question.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): It is.

 

 

Guest: I don’t know. What did the cheddar say to the blue cheese?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Looking sharp.

 

 

Guest: I would actually call it Cultural Awareness.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Cultural Awareness?

 

 

Guest: Because the thing is, I think HR is really about the culture of the company, and not just about human relations. I think human relations is such a broad spectrum, but I think it’s about the culture of the company. So I would probably call it Cultural Relations, because HR is always talking about diversity, HR is always talking about inclusiveness. So if you call it Cultural Relations, I think people feel more comfortable talking about anything that they want to see in the culture of their company, whether it be good or bad. Because I think you have to hear the negative to understand and get to the positive.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): What does the painter do when she gets cold?

 

 

Guest: Oh, I mean, she for sure doesn’t hang herself out to dry. What does she do?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): She puts on another coat.

 

 

Guest: Oh.

 

 

Guest: I’d probably call it Human Capital Management, which makes me incredibly unpopular amongst my peers, but there you go. That’s probably what I would call it.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): So why would you name it that? Human Capital Management?

 

 

Guest: Well, most of the world’s zigging, and I’m zagging with that answer just a little bit. But the answer to that is, I name it that because it best relates to managers what my true role in the organization is.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Why were the two blue cheeses identical?

 

 

Guest: Why? I don’t know. Why?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): They were from the same molds.

 

 

Guest: Oh, good one.

 

 

Guest: You know, because in HR we really advocate for our employees. We want to get to know them really well. We want to know what’s going on in their lives, what’s going on in their families, and what their ultimate goal is. Because I feel like when you build a relationship with somebody, they trust you. And when you build that trust, you can understand where their gifts and talents are. And once you understand that, you can get them in the right spot on your bus and drive that bus to where your company needs it.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): What does a claustrophobic astronaut need?

 

 

Guest: Air?

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Just a little space.

 

 

Guest: I like that.

 

 

Matt & Crista Vance (Co-Hosts): Thanks for tuning in to the Culture Profit podcast and for being a part of our journey to prove that putting people first is best for business. Today’s episode was sponsored by Mobrium. Want to get more employee reviews and streamline your employer reputation? Visit mobrium.com. Now go find one way to prioritize your people, and watch your profits grow.